Gossip

" Yeah, she's definitely in there…"

"I don't know, she just came downstairs a few minutes ago…"

"I'm not going in there to check…"

"Hah, you wish you had the guts to do that!"

"What the hell is going on out here?"

The sharp, authoritative tone made everyone fall quiet, most of them turning to glance over at  the source of it guiltily. The SS Normandy crew members all muttered together for a few short moments. Miranda huffed, folding her arms across her chest almost menacingly, the scowl on her otherwise beautiful face deepening. "Need I remind you that you're all Cerberus members and I am the chief Cerberus Officer on board? I'll ask again: what the hell is going on here?" she demanded. "You'd better not make me ask the same thing three times".

One of  the crewmen-one of the engineers, if she remembered right, not that she really cared- took a tentative step forward. "It's…the commander, ma' am", he said, a few of the others gathered about the area nodding fervently. Miranda huffed; of course, she groaned, getting an inkling as to what was going on. "What of the commander?" she asked, sighing to compose herself; yelling at the crew would surely accomplish next to nothing, she reminded herself.  "She…she came down here a few minutes ago", someone else volunteered-assistant cook, Miranda decided absently- "and she went into the women's showers; we think she's using them, but no one dares go check".

Miranda had to use all of her self-control not to face slap herself. Of course, she groaned to herself, she had to be right. Shepard had her own shower up in the captain's suite, but she had seen in the morning's maintenance reports it was malfunctioning; repair had been scheduled, but once the ground team had returned, well, they did need to shower. The woman wrinkled her nose at the thought; they really needed to shower, the planet they had gone off to on some odd signal EDI had picked up was covered with ages' old marshes; hell, she was pretty sure Garrus was still in the men's showers trying to pry the foul smelling, oozy mud out of his scales even now.

"What  the commander does or does not do is none of your business and, for crying out loud, her taking a shower is definitely no reason to leave  your posts , is it?" she snapped, sending some of the gathered crew scurrying to the elevators, even though the small crowd failed to disperse.  "But she never comes down here; I mean, the captain's suite has its own shower…ma' am", the assistant cook persisted. Miranda closed her eyes, catching herself counting down from ten to calm herself, but she never got the chance to finish. The men's showers' room swung open, Garrus coming out, adjusting one of the plates on his armoured suit, though he paused, raising an eyebrow at  the gathered crowd.

"Something going on?" he asked, nodding towards Miranda, his voice revealing just a hint of surprise. "Shepard is taking a shower in the women's bathroom", Miranda replied flatly; Garrus chuckled at her tone, shaking his head towards the assistant cook. "Let me guess; you lot have a pot on the commander, as well?" Miranda forgot to frown, raising an eyebrow instead.  "A what?" The assistant cook hastened to remove himself, back towards the galley and out of view.  "There's a pot…ma' am", the engineer started, though hesitantly and despite some of his comrades nudging  him,  "harmless way to pass the time on board; we bet on…things", he explained. "Their latest pot is just how many tattoos Jack has", Garrus elaborated. "No idea why they even care, but it is amusing; of course, if Jack were to hear of this, you might need to find us a new crew". Miranda snorted. "No kidding; but Jack is not in there right now, is she?" she glared back to the engineer. The man tried to give her a benign smile, but it froze on his lips at her frown. "Well…no, but the commander…well…"he stammered, before  the buzz of the elevator interrupted him, Thane stepping out.  The Drell paused also, raising an eyebrow at the gathering, Mordin following him before the elevator closed its doors and continued on towards the bowels of  the ship.  "Is there a party down here? Or a council maybe? Why were we not notified?" the Salarian asked in his usual, too fast to follow, way. A couple of the crew  started whispering together, many of them giving odd looks to Thane, who didn't really seem to notice. "The crew are gossiping on Shepard again; you missed nothing, actually", Garrus said, rather unhelpfully; Mordin nodded.  "I see; I think they're having a betting contest. On whether she and Thane are, I believe the term is 'knocking boots'?" he said, quite unperturbed.

"What was that?"Thane asked now, his frown starting to match Miranda's."One of the many human vernacular phrases for sexual intercourse, I believe", Mordin explained. "And you had to explain that?" Miranda sighed; Thane merely blinked, his eyes creating an impressive effect.  "I don't think I understand the correlation", he said after a brief silence. "Yes, indeed; humans; don't even try to understand", Garrus nodded, somewhat amused, and glancing back to Mordin, "and no, do not explain it", he added to the Salarian who merely shrugged, somewhat dejected.

"Explain what?" a well-familiar voice made everyone jump; they had all pretty much turned their back on the women's bathrooms and now Shepard stood there, the door behind her sliding closed again, her shoulder length brown hair dripping into her dress suit collar and the towel she wore around her neck. "Erh…nothing major", Garrus shrugged, though he made sure to change the smirk creeping up to his face into a suitably blank expression. "…Right", the commander rolled her eyes, her sharp green gaze wandering along all of them, as they stood there; every single face seemed guilty, she noted, except Thane, who just seemed puzzled and Miranda who seemed quite cross, indeed. "Is there an emergency?" she asked coolly, pretending not to notice any of it. "Define emergency", Garrus replied with a smug shrug. "Are we about to be shot to hell by a Reaper and everyone is gathering here to say their last farewells?" Shepard asked drily. "No", Garrus shrugged again. "Then why don't you all go about your business?" the commander directed a scowl towards the remaining crew members, who scattered like so many leaves in the wind. "I need to do something in Weapons'…"Garrus started, but Shepard shook her head. "No, you don't; all of you, into Miranda's office; you're going to tell me what's going on".